Tag Archives: lost

Because of you..

Because of you, my child has to grow up not only being a minority, but being a minority with baggage. Because of you, I don’t know if I’m the victim of rape, because I never liked you like that, but you were my friend; and you’d never do that, right? You’re in jail, because of you. Sure, she might have lied, but it was your door that she walked through.. Because of you, my child’s never known her father, and because of you I hope she never needs to. Because of you I often forget that she was created by more than just me, because it’s been just me from day one.. Because of You.
Because of you, she’s not an only child, and I don’t know the things they’ll discuss. Because of you, I don’t know how you’ll be portrayed to her, but it won’t be as a father. Because of you, there’s going to be a stigma that follows All of us. Because people ask questions that I don’t know the answers to.. Because of you, there’s an empty space on my child’s birth certificate, and a void I hope we’ll someday fill. Because of you, I wonder how Prince Charming became another devil in disguise, so quickly.

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How do I feel about you? (C.C.)

If I had to describe my feelings for you… what would I say? I’d say “I like that boy.” I’d tell them the way you make me smile with your eyes, the way time stops when I feel your kiss against my lips. Or maybe I’d even say how excited yet surprisingly nervous I get every time I see your truck pull up.  No, I don’t have the right words and maybe I never will, but there’s no denying that I’m at my happiest around you. And you know why? Because when I’m with you, you’re all that matters, you’re all I even see. I know, I’m not the easiest girl to deal with, and that I can be really frustrating, but at least I’m an original. If I was like all those other girls I wouldn’t be half as interesting or be able to understand the things that I do, You know I’m guarded, but I’ve been wearing my heart on my sleeve, and it make’s me sad that you can’t see that, that you can’t see how hard I’m actually trying. Image

Those nights when you’re just not okay..

When something small is enough to push you past your limits into the realm of sadness. The ones where you lose all your battles in one short bitter moment. Furthermore, you’re filled with guilt, sadness, pain, and a sprinkle of indescribable anger. Swearing that your hearts been broken one more time reminding you of your fear to love. You know, the ones where you want to curl up in a cave with a small blade that’ll help you paint it red. Red, such a beautiful color, the one you love so much because as sick as it is, it was the only one there when you lacked comfort. Once again, you feel a craving to do impulsive things knowing you’ll regret them in the morning. Pain, pain, go away, or turn to vodka and wash thisImage grief away.