Tag Archives: heartbroken

Because of you..

Because of you, my child has to grow up not only being a minority, but being a minority with baggage. Because of you, I don’t know if I’m the victim of rape, because I never liked you like that, but you were my friend; and you’d never do that, right? You’re in jail, because of you. Sure, she might have lied, but it was your door that she walked through.. Because of you, my child’s never known her father, and because of you I hope she never needs to. Because of you I often forget that she was created by more than just me, because it’s been just me from day one.. Because of You.
Because of you, she’s not an only child, and I don’t know the things they’ll discuss. Because of you, I don’t know how you’ll be portrayed to her, but it won’t be as a father. Because of you, there’s going to be a stigma that follows All of us. Because people ask questions that I don’t know the answers to.. Because of you, there’s an empty space on my child’s birth certificate, and a void I hope we’ll someday fill. Because of you, I wonder how Prince Charming became another devil in disguise, so quickly.

Those nights..

imageThose nights when thoughts get trapped inside your head again. The ones that broke your heart so many times over. The sinister laugh, that nobody knew was sinister but you. The regret, so deep that it both holds you back while pushing you to move forwards. The people, that don’t even recall the things they did to you. That ex, who didn’t teach you how to love, but how deprived you once were of it. The one who molested you and tore apart the little confidence you had, the one that made you cut yourself but scared you too much to admit where the cuts were really coming from. Looking back, I smile and laugh about the good of what’s past, but I’ve learned so many things that make me who I am. Looking back, I’m that weird kid who turned gorgeous. Looking back, I’m the kid who was envied by her friends, her clueless friends.