To say I’m hopeful is an understand. I’m hopeful that when you’re my age, that seeing my name appear randomly on your phone won’t feel like a burden. I’m hopeful that the thought of hugging me isn’t something that make’s you feel uncomfortable.. I’m hopeful, that when you hear a pear say, “I have the best parents in the world!” that you don’t think of me and scoff at how someone could actually love their parent(s) their much. I’m hopeful that when you grow older, you’ll realize that I tried my best, and that everything I do is with your best interest at heart. I hope that you’ll be patient with me, even if you don’t show it, because I’m still learning too. I hope that you never feel like anything less than the greatest part me, because if it weren’t for you, my life may have never taken direction. I hope that I tell you the right things when you need to hear them, and that you don’t resent me for not knowing how/when to say things. I hope that you’re never ashamed of me, and never take the small things for granted. I’m hopeful that you appreciate experiencing things for the first tine, together, as much as I know I will; like Disneyland or maybe a cruise, the possibilities of where I hope we’ll go are endless. I hope that I can push you to do better than I have, that you actually give a damn about school and get good grades. I hope that I never crush any of your dreams and only push you closer to your aspirations. I’m hopeful that your wildest dreams are greater than my imagination, and that you let me do everything in my power to help you achieve them. I’m also hopeful, that you’ll never use my own words against me. But in the end, I’m just hopeful that you wind up happy and that your health is never anything short of spectacular.
I’d tell them that I simply can not. I’d say how I always want to be near you, but when I am.. you drive me absolutely nuts. I’d say how I’m not into you, but every so often just want you to pull me in and kiss you. I’d tell them that I care. How unlike many others, if you walked out of my life, I’d be genuinely be hurt. I’d tell them that you’re not my first thought in the morning, or my last at night, but never does a day pass where you’re not somewhere in between. I’d tell them how I can’t read you, that you’re a complete mystery to me. But above all, I’d tell them I wouldn’t trade you for anything.
So many times love is one sided, while one grows the other washes away.
I started this blog out of heartbreak. Out of “who can I tell?” And the fact that some of you can relate to my posts makes me realize that maybe I’m not so alone. My first post was about still being in love and not being able to admit it.. Not entirely sure what all I said, but the man I loved is honestly someone I respect more than most other guys.
You know that “oh-my-god, I dated THAT?” feeling we’ve all had at some point or another? I don’t feel that way towards him, I only have positive things to say about him and maybe it’s just a part of growing up. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s that he made one error and actually apologized. It’s insane what saying “I’m sorry, and this is why…” Can do for a person.
Anyways, just a quick post for tonight 🙂
One last thing… If you’re reading this, I sort of love you because you’re taking time out of your day to do so.
You’re ignoring me, destroying me down to my core. Now that someone confirmed you’re seeing someone new, I don’t think it’d be appropriate for me to tell you. To pour my heart into an explanation of how much I love and miss you. I’m happy for you, don’t get me wrong. It’s just when you talk to me it assures me you haven’t forgotten me as your friend. It assures me how happy you actually are. Your happiness is all I want. If that means not talking, I’ll die slowly but live with it. Just know, you’re a fool if you EVER doubt the amount of love I contain, for you.
It’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s when they’re not all you think about; but they are the first person you think of the morning, and the last person you think of at night. Love is, never giving up. Love is when it doesn’t matter if their friends are attractive, or if they look at that cute girl that passes you, because you’re their’s and you both know that. Love is when you see him and can’t fight the urge to smile as you’re walking over to him. It’s when everything finally fits together. No, it’s not perfect. No, we weren’t perfect. However, trying to fight how much I love you only makes it grow stronger. Love is when they can melt your damaged heart and make you smile on your worst of days.
However, I won’t tell you because we’re not together anymore and being friends is second best. I feel Guns N’ Roses song “patience” is one of the best songs to describe how I feel. There’s no anger, or remorse. Yeah, you broke my heart… No, it wasn’t on purpose. I finally understand everything. For those of you reading this, considering you probably don’t know me, the relationship ended for reasons out of our control that made it insanely hard to see each other at this point in time. I feel like as much as I deny loving you, I’m never really going to fully stop. If we never get together again, I’ll always know that you were once mine, and you’ll always be one of my good friends with a section of my heart… You were my first real love and I would still do anything to make you smile