Tag Archives: future

Because of you..

Because of you, my child has to grow up not only being a minority, but being a minority with baggage. Because of you, I don’t know if I’m the victim of rape, because I never liked you like that, but you were my friend; and you’d never do that, right? You’re in jail, because of you. Sure, she might have lied, but it was your door that she walked through.. Because of you, my child’s never known her father, and because of you I hope she never needs to. Because of you I often forget that she was created by more than just me, because it’s been just me from day one.. Because of You.
Because of you, she’s not an only child, and I don’t know the things they’ll discuss. Because of you, I don’t know how you’ll be portrayed to her, but it won’t be as a father. Because of you, there’s going to be a stigma that follows All of us. Because people ask questions that I don’t know the answers to.. Because of you, there’s an empty space on my child’s birth certificate, and a void I hope we’ll someday fill. Because of you, I wonder how Prince Charming became another devil in disguise, so quickly.


As A Young Mother…

To say I’m hopeful is an understand. I’m hopeful that when you’re my age, that seeing my name appear randomly on your phone won’t feel like a burden. I’m hopeful that the thought of hugging me isn’t something that make’s you feel uncomfortable.. I’m hopeful, that when you hear a pear say, “I have the best parents in the world!” that you don’t think of me and scoff at how someone could actually love their parent(s) their much. I’m hopeful that when you grow older, you’ll realize that I tried my best, and that everything I do is with your best interest at heart. I hope that you’ll be patient with me, even if you don’t show it, because I’m still learning too. I hope that you never feel like anything less than the greatest part me, because if it weren’t for you, my life may have never taken direction. I hope that I tell you the right things when you need to hear them, and that you don’t resent me for not knowing how/when to say things. I hope that you’re never ashamed of me, and never take the small things for granted. I’m hopeful that you appreciate experiencing things for the first tine, together, as much as I know I will; like Disneyland or maybe a cruise, the possibilities of where I hope we’ll go are endless. I hope that I can push you to do better than I have, that you actually give a damn about school and get good grades. I hope that I never crush any of your dreams and only push you closer to your aspirations. I’m hopeful that your wildest dreams are greater than my imagination, and that you let me do everything in my power to help you achieve them. I’m also hopeful, that you’ll never use my own words against me. But in the end, I’m just hopeful that you wind up happy and that your health is never anything short of spectacular.



P.S. I claim no rights to the photo below.


I don’t want to be like my mother. I love her,  but not her attitude. I try,  and try, and try some more; all to get the same result. Never do I hear “I’m proud of you” but,  “fuck off/fuck you” is becoming more common. In her eyes I’m never doing the right thing. I want my children to be proud of me, Never embarrassed or belittled by me. I want them to hear “I love you” every night. I can’t even tell you the last time my mom said she loved me. It’s Really been that long. It’s killing me,  and I think that’s why I’m so stuck on the future,  because it’s optimistic and bright;  a whole new world in my eyes.

What I believe should be a requirement for president.

Let me start off, I support Obama, not everything he does but I don’t blame him.

in my opinion, you should have some sort of military expirence. Whether it be national guard, reserves, or active duty of any branch. If not? Another man or woman should be elected just for the purpose of running the military. Do you enter law school a lawyer? Most likely not. So why should someone who hasn’t been through the system be rewarded with the whole damn thing? 



Things I’ve learned

imageI’ve learned many things from my parents. I’ve learned not to drink, not around the kids anyways, it only causes them pain. I’ve learned that when I have children, I want to hug them every day and tell them I love them every night. I hear about parents who do that and instantly become jealous seeing as I can’t hug mine without feeling invaded. It honestly freaks me out and makes me feel out of place. My aunt taught me, never fight in front of the kids. Mine always fought and it consistently broke my heart, I was happy when my parents got divorced. I’ve learned not to complain to people who aren’t my best friends, its stressful to hear every day knowing it’s about things you can’t do anything about. What’s worse, is not being able to tell that person anything. I’ve learned to support others opinions and choices, you have no idea how badly I pour my heart and soul into art, just to hear you compliment my siblings when they only do it as a hobby. Not only that, but showing me there’s but not even acknowledging mine when you see it. Seriously, I thought I was a horrible artist until I freehanded something a bit complicated and got it nearly exact without using an eraser. In middle school. I left a picture of a rose on the counter because I was incredibly proud of it… It got thrown away a week later. I’ve learned, to be myself. Nothing makes me more mad than you going out in public and bragging about lies. Even more so, when they’re about me. I know I’m not perfect, thou’ I’m not half as bad as I could be. You taught me how girls should look (blonde hair, blue eyed, tan skinned barbies) so I go for my own look because I don’t want to be like you. You’re so judgmental and unkind, that I hated myself so much I nearly committed suicide. That’s why I love everyone, no matter how big or small.