Tag Archives: drama

Because of you..

Because of you, my child has to grow up not only being a minority, but being a minority with baggage. Because of you, I don’t know if I’m the victim of rape, because I never liked you like that, but you were my friend; and you’d never do that, right? You’re in jail, because of you. Sure, she might have lied, but it was your door that she walked through.. Because of you, my child’s never known her father, and because of you I hope she never needs to. Because of you I often forget that she was created by more than just me, because it’s been just me from day one.. Because of You.
Because of you, she’s not an only child, and I don’t know the things they’ll discuss. Because of you, I don’t know how you’ll be portrayed to her, but it won’t be as a father. Because of you, there’s going to be a stigma that follows All of us. Because people ask questions that I don’t know the answers to.. Because of you, there’s an empty space on my child’s birth certificate, and a void I hope we’ll someday fill. Because of you, I wonder how Prince Charming became another devil in disguise, so quickly.

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Apparently, I’m a trending topic!

No, I’m not talking about social media. I’m trending in small towns that surround the city I live in. Last spring, I was a “big tittied slut” in the words of girls who had never met me. Why? Because I had agreed to go to prom with a guy from their school, as a friend, who’s never had the best reputation until recently. I laughed, shrugged it off, said “coming from girls who can’t name a single man I’ve slept with, just shows ignorance.” I ended up not going to said prom, but not for that reason. In fact, the reason I didn’t go is quite complicated, but long story short? He wasn’t allowed to go.

Now, there’s rumors spreading in a town half hour away from me. These one’s saying I’m sleeping with a friend of mine that lives there, doing coke, and snorting pills. When I heard them, I told my friend, and we both laughed. There is absolutely no chemistry between the two of, and I’m not a “druggie.” But, I told the girl who told me, that if they wanna talk, “tell them I think I’m pregnant with his baby too.” I know pregnancy is a very serious thing, but if talking about me makes them feel slightly less miserable, let them.

Why? Because I know me, my friends know me, and my family knows me. I couldn’t care less what girls in small towns outside of my own are saying, or even thinking about me; in fact, I don’t care what the people in my own town say as long as I know the truth. To be successful in life, originality is key. Anybody can make copies of what they already have! I create my own happiness, and nobody is going to stop me. Rumors are words, spread by small minded people, who are trying to compensate for something they feel like they’re lacking. 729283bebe47abb10d6930cfcfefbee6 000000000-Rumors-Newspapers

If I were asked to describe our friendship. .

I’d tell them that I simply can not. I’d say how I always want to be near you,  but when I am.. you drive me absolutely nuts. I’d say how I’m not into you,  but every so often just want you to pull me in and kiss you. I’d tell them that I care. How unlike many others, if you walked out of my life,  I’d be genuinely be hurt. I’d tell them that you’re not my first thought in the morning,  or my last at night, but never does a day pass where you’re not somewhere in between. I’d tell them how I can’t read you, that you’re a complete mystery to me. But above all, I’d tell them I wouldn’t trade you for anything. 

Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me?

   This is about a very particular ex (S.T) who I was friends with. He was who I’d call when I needed comfort, even after other guys had broken up with me. But that all changed the last time we hung out, the last time we hung out he had betrayed my trust once again. Except, the first was forgivable, this time was lies. After having an amazing night together doing stupid things and hanging with friends, it was me and him lying on my bed. I loved the way he kissed me, I loved the way he held me. I missed the feeling of someone caring. But this, was a false feeling. I had asked him what we were and he said he was unsure and that he didn’t want a relationship, I agreed. I really wasn’t in the condition to date anybody and still would rather not because I like being “free.” Little did I know he had meant “I want a relationship, but not with you despite the attraction.” The very next day he had gotten  a girlfriend, this was also the first day I didn’t text him. Instead of texting him every day like I normally would I waited a week, because we had sex that night and I didn’t want to get too attached again. I found out he had a girlfriend the moment I was texted back by a very rude girl who had thought she’d known the whole story when all she really knew was that I was his ex. I’d link you to the whole story, but I never created one. It’s actually a rather sweet story before those two nights. 

   That’s the main background though, all you need to know for me to continue. After a few months of going crazy ( I felt insane anger every time I had thought of him) and isolating myself every time these thoughts came to me, I thought I was finally forgetting it. I wasn’t getting as angry.

   Then, one night, I had this dream. In my dream all I really remember is I was at a guy’s house with him and my two best friends. One best friend (M’) was upstairs sleeping while  the other (S’) watched t.v. everything seemed normal. Me and the guy were going from where S’ sat in the living room through a small hallway and into his bed room. The lights were off, but I didn’t want to have sex with him and so I told him. The man lowered his voice and replied “I don’t care, it’s valentine’s day… You’re having sex with me” which caused me to run out of his room, and into the living room. “S, he’s going to rape me! We have to go.. Now! I can’t be here” I said practically in tears, we ran out to her car which was not starting, but we were at the top of a hill and pushed it and went as far as we could go. As we were driving, nearly in tears and shaking my head I looked at her and said “call S.T.! I need to talk to him, he’ll comfort me, I know he will” I can’t remember exactly what else was said, but she wouldn’t call and it was for a minor reason. The dream continued but didn’t get worse; however, that was the main point of it , I wanted to call S.T.

   I guess it’s harder to forget a person than I thought, I’ve tried talking to him but he won’t talk to me in return, he won’t give me closure. Yet again, I’ve said all I needed to say. Now, the ball remains in his court.Image

 

P.S. NOT either of is us pictured. it’s merely from google image’s 

And you think I’M a bad friend?!

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You text me, clueless about what to do about one of our friends. Our friends a cutter, I’m a former cutter, and you never have been one. She tells you it’s your fault, you tell me to tell her mom. Quite frankly though, she’s only a friend to me when she wants something… Like you. Yes, I do care but I’m not going to sell her out. That’s something she should admit on her own. I tell? I look like a traitor. You tell? You look like you care seeing that as far as she’s concerned I’m not aware that she picked up cutting again. She told you. If she wanted my help she would’ve asked for it. Yet still, you have the nerve to say I’m a bad friend for not pursuing your idea of telling her mom because you’re too scared.