Tag Archives: daughter

As A Young Mother…

To say I’m hopeful is an understand. I’m hopeful that when you’re my age, that seeing my name appear randomly on your phone won’t feel like a burden. I’m hopeful that the thought of hugging me isn’t something that make’s you feel uncomfortable.. I’m hopeful, that when you hear a pear say, “I have the best parents in the world!” that you don’t think of me and scoff at how someone could actually love their parent(s) their much. I’m hopeful that when you grow older, you’ll realize that I tried my best, and that everything I do is with your best interest at heart. I hope that you’ll be patient with me, even if you don’t show it, because I’m still learning too. I hope that you never feel like anything less than the greatest part me, because if it weren’t for you, my life may have never taken direction. I hope that I tell you the right things when you need to hear them, and that you don’t resent me for not knowing how/when to say things. I hope that you’re never ashamed of me, and never take the small things for granted. I’m hopeful that you appreciate experiencing things for the first tine, together, as much as I know I will; like Disneyland or maybe a cruise, the possibilities of where I hope we’ll go are endless. I hope that I can push you to do better than I have, that you actually give a damn about school and get good grades. I hope that I never crush any of your dreams and only push you closer to your aspirations. I’m hopeful that your wildest dreams are greater than my imagination, and that you let me do everything in my power to help you achieve them. I’m also hopeful, that you’ll never use my own words against me. But in the end, I’m just hopeful that you wind up happy and that your health is never anything short of spectacular.

 

 

P.S. I claim no rights to the photo below.

mother-daughter-10[1]

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I don’t want to be like my mother. I love her,  but not her attitude. I try,  and try, and try some more; all to get the same result. Never do I hear “I’m proud of you” but,  “fuck off/fuck you” is becoming more common. In her eyes I’m never doing the right thing. I want my children to be proud of me, Never embarrassed or belittled by me. I want them to hear “I love you” every night. I can’t even tell you the last time my mom said she loved me. It’s Really been that long. It’s killing me,  and I think that’s why I’m so stuck on the future,  because it’s optimistic and bright;  a whole new world in my eyes.

Take them and I’m gone.

As we all know, it’s colder than the heart of Satan outside. Where I live it’s been snowing and slick. The last couple days I’ve been sick with the flu and my insides have been inside-out. To top things off? I finally start being productive, just to be shot down by my mother. She gets home and immediately comes up to my room to start complaining. During the warmer months I was training my horse, we have 7 and a pony, but stopped because the weather was too harsh and I knew I could start again next time it’s about freezing. I’m busy with work and school, so I’d assume my stay at home mother would be able to feed the animals like she had been doing before. Well, apparently not, apparently she wants to get rid of ALL of our horses, dogs, and the pony. Those animals are my babies, my dogs I’ve had since a young age. Two their ages, one mine, my best friend as a child and now. The same pets that keep me off drugs and keep me home at night. Something to look forward to. 

 

But little does she know, as soon as she gets rid of them, she gets rid of me.Image P.s. not me pictured.