And then it dawned on me, that maybe I am still afraid of love; in the dark hours of the night constantly searching for a new obsession while simultaneously fueling my own. Maybe I’m irrational because of the times I wasn’t.. maybe I need an excuse to only give all of my 3/4 and not my whole. Maybe I just need to feel like an obsession to curb my addiction. & maybe if I were addicted too it wouldn’t hurt so bad, constantly. But knowingly, only I have the recipe for the addiction that captivates all of me, but also grounds me. Maybe being two different people is simply exhausting, maybe I just want someone to understand, to help me feel normal again. But daytime strikes and all but the tiniest slip is fine again. Night time awakens a demon.. a jealous, insidious, monster inside of me who’s curiosity becomes a hunger and who’s suspicions become aware. The eyes I need to calm me, are closed, and as of now it’s battle time: the wicked vs the brain.

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