I don’t want to be like my mother. I love her,  but not her attitude. I try,  and try, and try some more; all to get the same result. Never do I hear “I’m proud of you” but,  “fuck off/fuck you” is becoming more common. In her eyes I’m never doing the right thing. I want my children to be proud of me, Never embarrassed or belittled by me. I want them to hear “I love you” every night. I can’t even tell you the last time my mom said she loved me. It’s Really been that long. It’s killing me,  and I think that’s why I’m so stuck on the future,  because it’s optimistic and bright;  a whole new world in my eyes.

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